Leading is for Extroverts
And I'm not one
People, People, and More People
“I’m an introvert, and I was shocked to discover how extroverted parenting is.”
My friend Rebecca Holmes said that over twenty years ago, and as a parent of two teenagers—and a fellow introvert—I’ve never forgotten it. She was right. Parenting is one of the most extroverted things ever.
You know what else is just like parenting?
Leadership.
Take Rebecca’s quote, swap out “parenting” for “leadership,” and it still holds true:
“I’m an introvert, and I was shocked to discover how extroverted leadership is.”
When I first became a leader, this hit me like a brick:
When am I supposed to get my actual work done?
Why is everyone looking at me during these meetings?
Why do all the problems end up on my desk?
I have to give them feedback? Really? Me?
Leadership is about people. Inspiring, encouraging, coaching, redirecting. If you’re an extrovert, this part probably energizes you. But if you’re an introvert like me, all the people-ing can feel like a lot.
Over the years, I’ve had to reconcile my natural wiring with the realities of the job.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. You have to engage with people — so protect your mornings.
That’s your prime energy window. Use it well.
2. You have to cast vision — so lead with clarity.
You may not be the loudest voice in the room, but clarity is just as inspiring as charisma.
3. You have to coach — so schedule regular one-on-ones.
They’ll help you give feedback without putting it off (or overthinking it).
4. You have to talk more than you want — so use your words.
People can’t read your mind. Open your mouth and say the thing.
5. You have to be patient with extroverts — even the loud ones.
Not everyone thinks before they speak like you do. That doesn’t make them wrong, just different.
6. You have to know your role — and it’s not “superhero.”
You’re not the smartest or most talented person on the team. You’re the leader. Delegate accordingly.
Susan Cain said it best: The world needs your leadership. We just can’t expect the world to always cater to our preferences.
Control what you can control, and you’ll be a highly effective leader.
The Fog of Work Update
The manuscript has been turned in! I could use your help. I’d love to know which subtitle you find most intriguing and interesting. These are all being seriously considered.
The Fog of Work: How Managers Can Win, Lead, and Bring Dignity Back to the Middle
The Fog of Work: An Unorthodox Guide for Overworked, Overburdened, and Overwhelmed Middle Managers
The Fog of Work: How One Question Taught Me to Stop Freaking Out, Stop Checking Out, and Just Figure It Out (The Middle Manager’s Memoir No One Asked For, But Everyone Secretly Wants)
I read books so you don’t have to…
My reading has slowed down a little the past few weeks, but I did wrap up this one and thought he did a great job.
If you are looking for a “one stop shop” resource on how to improve your relationships at work, this book will not disappoint.
Do you live in the Southeast?
I’m pumped to speak on The Fog of Work this September in beautiful Savannah, GA. This event is open to anyone, regardless of industry, so grab some friends and let’s hang out this fall! Register 👉🏻 https://cvent.me/OvWxAB
Finally…
Listening to Public Enemy’s new album with my 14 year old son and his friend while driving them to a sports card show was the closest thing to a time machine I’ve ever encountered.
Were F1 and Top Gun: Maverick good films or did I love them because I’m over 50 and I like seeing the “old guy” succeed?
Remember when we were kids and we thought new shoes made us run faster? Well, these shoes actually do and I have the numbers to prove it (this is not an affiliate link…just sharing because I love these shoes).
Thanks for reading!
-Adam